I have not posted in awhile as I have been waiting for something profound or funny to write about. As I wait for "blog worthy" type moments I realize that my current state is "blog worthy". Here is your warning this post is NOT going to fall into the category of cheerful or funny or informative. This post is just a bit of reflection on our past couple of weeks. Life is not always easy and often throws us some rather intense curve balls. I need to write about some of those if I want this blog to truly reflect "Madson Life".
I am not going to sugar coat this...Our school year has been mostly sour with a few sweet moments that our God has graciously given us to help keep the momentum. The sweet moments have come in the form of encouragement from amazingly wise people who love us and our children and promise God will not give us more than we can handle. He has given us the perfect children and there is a right answer for us, for our family. Unfortunately for our children we are learning as we go and they get to deal with our failures and successes along the way. We have tried to recognize when we need to be asking for forgiveness and we have made sure they know when they need to buck up and work harder. This is a balancing act that has been weighted a little heavy and a little light at times. It is looking like (not totally sure yet) we will be keeping our two older children in their perspective grades next year, making it so we will have the following line-up ; Kinder-Prep, Kindergarten, 1st Grade and 2nd Grade. I for some reason find this incredibly overwhelming! I fear there being no wiggle room in case we have another year like this year. I fear my older two children will somehow feel inadequate and possibly internalize a since of failure. The good news is they are happy, obedient children that are just late bloomers. There is nothing wrong with them, just they are loosing teeth later, maturing later thus making the pace hard for them and us. We are still praying about our decision and have a couple other things to consider, but for now we are about 85% sure that next year will look a little the same with hopefully a lot different as well! We are clapping our hands for joy!
In the midst of school trials and Brant working 24/7, we have experienced painful loss. This is really the first time in my life, I have had to experience loss, grief and sadness for good friends who have died way to young. Three weeks ago we received the news that a childhood friend of Brants had taken his own life. He was 38, had a new wife, and a family who loved him dearly. He was a fun-loving guy who was passionate about his relationships. This was a hard funeral to attend considering the difficult situation. Brant really struggled with guilt about not checking in with him more often and has decided that those "old" relationships need to be fed and maintained. We had a wonderful time seeing old friends, in the midst of a sad situation. This was Gods timing and we embraced it. It opened the door for intriguing conversations about friendships we have had and ones we are in, the kinds of friendships we want our children to have and the kind if friends we want our children to know us to be. We are clapping our hands for joy!
Lastly, we have experienced the loss of my dear friend Jenny. She had battled leukemia for 10 years and is now cancer free in heaven sitting next to our Heavenly Father free of pain and hopefully sporting a beautiful head of hair! Today is the first day I have been able to let go of some of the sadness. While I know she was a believer in the Lord and she has eternal life, I really just wish she would have been able to be hear with us longer. She died at the age of 35 and I met her in her last two years of life. I was VERY fortunate to spend a significant amount of time with her over the last year as we trained together for the NIKE Womens Marathon. We talked a lot about her cancer and her intense life experiences. She had wisdom well beyond her years and I truly NEEDED to know her. She was a living, breathing, walking and talking example of the rare jewel of Christian contentment. Vanity was stripped from her as a result of her chemotherapy and steroid treatments and yet she seemed to glow and express the most amazing beauty I have ever seen in a woman. As I sort through my feelings and grieve I continue to clap my hands with joy in pure amazement that God allowed me the opportunity to know her.